Faith of the Father
by Janiqua
Summary: Set during the end of In My Time Of Dying. John Winchester reflects on the terms of his agreement with the Demon. Rated for mild language. Spoilers.


**A/N: **Hey everyone! Wow, I'm tossing out Supernatural fics faster than the eye can blink! JK! Anyway, this one's got major spoilers for "In my Time of Dying," because I couldn't stop thinking about the sacrifice John made for Dean. It amazes me! The story also touches up on some other issues concerning John Winchester that haven't truly been dealt with, at least in my mind, by the writers. So, I hope you all read it and enjoy it and feel the compelling urge to send me a review. Thanks so much! LOL!

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Supernatural.

**Warning: **"In my Time of Dying" spoilers.

**ooooooo**

**Faith of the Father**

**ooooooo**

_"There's something else I want. As much as that gun. Maybe more."_

Never in his entire life had John Winchester ever managed to stand in front of a demon quite this stoically. It was really saying something, truth be told, considering the number of times such stoicism had saved his life. But he was good at bluffing. Hell, he was good at flat out _lying_! After all, he _had_ tricked the possessed girl – Meg? – and her brother with the fraudulent Colt, now hadn't he? Hell, he had even lied to his very own son just that afternoon! Playing dumb, as the demon had described it a few short minutes ago, was definitely a bit of an understatement.

But for someone who was facing off against the very monster that had ruined his entire existence by killing his wife and targeting his baby boy, John Winchester was remarkably composed. He knew what was coming. After all, what could the demon possibly want more than the Colt? He wasn't stupid enough to believe that John would consent to trading one son for the other. No. It wasn't Sammy that the demon was asking for this time. It was John Winchester himself.

The man didn't even blink. But, then again, neither did the demon. The two of them just stared at each other, unflinchingly, for several long seconds that passed away into eternity. The yellow eyes of the demon were twisted with loathing. He had taken Mary and Jessica because he had believed they were in his way. And they had been. They had both found themselves standing between him and Sammy… which apparently wasn't something the bastard would tolerate. Truth be told, a part of the eldest Winchester often wondered why the demon had tolerated _him_ for so long. It certainly wasn't as if he had spent the past twenty-two years standing idly by, waiting for the demon's return! Hell, he had been hunting the damn thing down without a break! If _anyone _had gotten in his way, it was definitely the father! Not the mother… and certainly not Jessica.

At least… that was how he _had_ seen it… for so, so, so very long. But… ever since he had discovered the truth… It changed things. It changed an awful lot of things. John wished… he wished… he had more time…

Then again, who didn't? But there wouldn't be any bluffing his way out of this one. If he agreed to this… he would have to go through with it. And to save Dean's life… he already knew that he would. It didn't matter how much time he wished he had. The only thing that mattered was his son.

Perhaps he had known that this day would come… The demon clearly wanted him out of the picture. That was no secret, and never had been. Perhaps John had realized… that one day he _would_ be making this sacrifice. And that was why he had left Dean. That was why he had forced his two children to learn how to get by without him.

When Sam had called… telling him that Dean was dying… he hadn't returned the call because the boys both needed to learn… how to fight… and how to endure. He couldn't always be there for them.

But that was bullshit, and he knew it. John might not have returned the phone call, but he _had_ sure as hell turned his truck back around and tore faster than he ever had before in his entire life towards the hospital which Sam had addressed. However… by the time he had actually arrived… the boys were gone… apparently seeking out the aid of some kind of Faith Healer or other.

Faith Healers… What good were they? It wasn't the Healer that had saved Dean's life. And it certainly wasn't faith. If John had learned one thing after all these years… it was that faith itself wasn't something tangible. He couldn't expect faith alone to be his children's salvation. Otherwise… he wouldn't be here… trying to make a deal with the devil.

It wasn't…

It wasn't that John didn't _believe_ in faith. And it certainly wasn't as if he didn't have any, for he most definitely did. If he agreed to this, then when it happened, he had faith in his boys… that they would take care of his body… that they wouldn't give up… that they would somehow make something of their lives… and… and at last… truly find happiness one day.

John had never wanted this life for them. When Sam had left… it was only because John couldn't see the rationality behind it that he had been angry. Didn't his son understand the risk he was taking by leaving the safety of his family? Didn't he know how much danger he'd be in? It had frustrated John immensely… but…

…But only because… he had expected Sam to comprehend the situation their family had been put in… while at the same time praying to God that he never truly did!

He couldn't have it both ways. And so he had never told his youngest child that hunting wasn't a job he had chosen merely out of his hunger for vengeance. No. It was a position they had been placed in. The three of them… they were all in way over their heads. Sam couldn't just _choose _not to hunt! If he tried to… the hunt… it would only just follow him wherever he went!

And so it had. Jessica was proof of that.

Until the game was completely over… Sam would just have to play. And as much as John believed that one day it would end, and that _then_ his boys could truly live as they were meant to, until that day came… It angered him that he couldn't express such a simple truth to his own flesh and blood. It angered him… and then it angered Sammy. The boy was smart. He could generally tell when John was being evasive. And he _hated _it! Half the time, they were only arguing because John couldn't bring himself to admit the truth. Granted, half the time they were merely butting heads, but sometimes… It wasn't Sam's fault that they were always getting into fights. It was John's, and he couldn't even pretend to deny it. They were all caught… and, as sad as it was, there was simply nothing any of them could do about it.

At least not yet.

Faith. It was… more often than not… the one… the _only_… thing that got John through this never-ending hunt…

If there's a Hell… if there're demons… there must also be a Heaven… and a God… and that _must _be where Mary and Jessica both are right now. Missouri had told him – as well as his boys – that their mother had canceled herself out in order to destroy the poltergeist that had been haunting their home back in Lawrence. Missouri had said… that it was as if his wife had never existed. She was gone now, utterly and completely. She was nothing. She had made her sacrifice… She had protected her children…

It was a romantic sentiment to be sure, but one that John Winchester refused to accept. Mary… was in Heaven. She _had _to be. And he… he would join her there. Dean would make sure that his body was salted and burned, so that he didn't end up somehow chained to this world… And after that… after that…

_It's not so hard sacrificing your own life in order to save your children's…_

_It's really quite simple…_

_I love them…_

_I did my best…_

_Forgive me…_

_Please…_

_Please…_

"All right." John stared grimly into the soulless yellow eyes of the devil. "If that's what you want." He would die. Dean would live.

It was a fair trade. Hell, it was _more _than a fair trade.

Mary… She had sacrificed herself for her two boys…

It was his turn now.

**ooooooo**


End file.
